allowing oneself to be FOUND

Looking for signs

This gift is in the little everyday things

Paulo Coelho | May 2004

We tend to assume that life will give us another chance tomorrow at whatever came up yesterday and today. But if we really pay attention, we see that no single day is like another. Every morning brings a hidden blessing that serves only for that day and cannot be saved or used again. If we don’t use today’s gift today, it will be lost.

This gift is in the little everyday things. If we experience every minute intensely, in such minutes we can find the solution to a problem, the person we are looking for or the path to a decision that will change our whole future. But how can we find the courage to live this way? I think God talks to us through signs, which are a special language we can learn only through belief and discipline.

Augustine was converted that way. For years he examined various philosophical movements, looking for an answer to the meaning of life. Then one afternoon in his backyard in Milan, deep in thought about the failure of his quest, he heard a child singing, "Pick it up and read! Pick it up and read!" Although he had always allowed logic to be his guide, on impulse he decided to open up the first book within reach. It was the Bible, and he read a passage from Paul that contained the answers he was seeking. From that day on, Augustine expanded his search, making room for belief, and became one of the church’s greatest theologians.

The monks in the desert, who always said that you have to allow the angels to do their work, occasionally did preposterous things, like talking to flowers or laughing for no reason. The alchemists followed the "signs of God," paths that often appear to be dead ends but [that] ultimately lead somewhere. "Modern people want to banish all doubts and uncertainties from life," said the dean of the Cathedral of San Francisco. "In the end, their souls die of hunger because mysteries are food for the soul."

There is a meditation exercise that entails explaining every action for ten minutes each day. For example, you might say, "I am reading the newspaper because I want to be informed. I am thinking of certain people because a particular subject I just read about made me think of them. I am walking to the door because I am leaving the house." And so on.

Buddha calls this "conscious attention" If we catch ourselves repeating the most mundane, routine actions, we become aware of the wealth of detail that fills our life. We then understand every step and every posture. We discover important things and useless thoughts.

If we have the discipline to do this for a week, we become more conscious of our flaws and absent-mindedness. But we also see that at certain moments we do what we do for no reason at all and instead are following our intuition. We then begin to understand the silent language that God uses to point us in the right direction. We can call it intuition, a sign, instinct or coincidence – the name is irrelevant. The important thing is that through conscious attention we realize that we are often led to the right decision, which gives us more faith and makes us stronger.

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i haven't been able to voice this out but, hey, here goes..

I've been spiritually dry since the time that my dad passed away.

I don't know just why that happened given the fact that I have always been quite close to the Big Guy.

I guess you can say I got a wake-up call just last night when I lost my cellphone.

Pathetic, I know. But you won't understand it unless you knew the value (not monetary) of that phone...

That was the last gift that my dad ever gave me.

I guess my professor's statement summarized the pain of the loss ...

"it's time to move on.."

Going back to my spiritual condition, I have still been going to mass but I guess

I couldn't deny the emptiness I seem to feel..

I was trying so hard to hold on however fragile the threads of my faith seem to be..

I wanted myself to go back to that "spiritual high" I used to have..

Like Fr. Arnel told my brother before "At times we may get lost and wander from His path.. But the point is to allow yourself to be FOUND by Him"

Am i looking for signs?

Yes I think I am.

And I'd like to believe I just witnessed one

When I just finished highlighting this text -- "We then begin to understand the silent language that God uses to point us in the right direction" , Fr. Dan McNamara stopped right in front of me (Im in the library near the exit) and then smiled and waved his hand. I've always been in awe of him because he always seemed to keep His presence and practice it in his life. Add the fact that his homilies have, many a time, compelled me to think twice, thrice and even more about how I live my life and what I choose to value among other things. Let's not forget that my friends in ACMG and I have dubbed him Fr. Dan "Voice of God" McNamara.

I haven't been able to go to confession for more than 6 months.. a FIRST, actually.

and right then and there, after Fr. Dan said hi and headed to the exit, I decided to run after him.

"Fr. Dan!"

He turns around.

"Would it be okay if I hear confession?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow for Davao but I'll be back next week, on the 21st. You can email me so that we can meet."

A smile suddenly lights up his face. Even his eyes seem to twinkle as he patiently waits for my reply.

"oh, i see... Next week then..?"

He nods, with the eye-cheek-smile never vanishing from his face, turns to his colleague and exits the library.

On my way back to this computer, I realize -- THAT was it. THAT was the silent language. I had just been found.

I'm ready to go back home.