random

seriously...


does fate have a way of messing people's heads?


i dunno. blame it on the "everything happens for a reason" belief i have..
it's just that... sometimes, there are too many interconnected events in one's life that all point to this one sole being who, at the moment, seems to be occupying your thoughts for quite a while...and this being seems to have found a home in this head of mine. sheesh.



right now i am just tooooo confused.

is the universe telling me something?

even the Big Guy seems to favor him. (don't ask)




but regardless of all the supposed "signs"... regardless of all the events that the "normal me" would tend to analyze and criticize until my head hurt... well, contrary to the "usual"... i am just not too certain about this one. i am not as positive.




i guess this is somewhat similar to that of getting your first ever try at riding a bicycle.



you're ecstatic and giddy and kinda nervous the first time. this is something new. an experience to be treasured.


you fall down.. but that doesnt stop you. you dust off the dirt from your knees and gamely go back on the bike. .. more determined to ride farther from the house.



some get the hang of it. . biking becomes an essential part of one's life. one's play time isn't complete without biking for a good 50 meters or more.



others, however, don't have enough courage to go on. when you have too many bruises, scratches and scars from the first few rides, what more in the next few?



this is where the uncertainty creeps in.




you don't know if today will be the day wherein you're gonna get lucky or just plain cursed.


you don't know if today will actually be the day that you get to beat that kala-mo-kung-sino-ka neighbor and finally say "beh buti nga"



you don't know if today will be the last day that you'll ever ride a bike since your mom is freakishly petrified that your legs will be covered with scars of your glory days of biking and rationalizing that you may not be qualified to be a beauty queen anymore.








you just don't know.









and, come to think of it....




though i may be plagued by such daunting thoughts and scary forecasts of tomorrow..








i can never really be at peace




if i don't risk it and just try.





to let anything happen... to let any kind of emotion penetrate my being.. to be immersed in every experience of joy, suffering, love, hurt, happiness, sorrow...














and simply LIVE.